0
0
Awhile ago, I was talking with a teen who got Confirmed last year. We were talking about how she hasn’t been going to Mass lately, but has been attending service at a non-Catholic Christian church. When I asked why, she said that one time when she went over the summer, a woman came up to her and yelled at her and told her she shouldn’t dress like that. So she continues going to Young Life because that is where she feels welcomed and unjudged.
One time. One time was all it took for someone to not feel welcomed at the Church. Church (that’s all you Catholics out there), we need to be better. We don’t come because we’re perfect, so don’t expect someone else to be.
This is the problem that many of us have, and is an issue that is in no way helping the Catholic Church—we are more willing to point out other people’s faults before we even get to know the person.
And although I am pretty upset at whoever this woman was, I get it. We, as Catholics, want others to see Jesus the way we do, to understand and recognize the importance of Mass and the Eucharist as we do, and believe and practice as fervently as we do. But that doesn’t mean or give us an excuse to accuse someone else, especially when we don’t even know that person. Telling a teen they are dressed inappropriately doesn’t do anybody any favors, and is definitely not encouraging them to keep coming to Mass. And to top it off, this teen had come by herself, which means that her parents weren’t going with her so she was taking it upon herself to go. This teen should have been thanked for coming to Mass—let her know that her presence isn’t just appreciated, but needed.
And this isn’t the first time that people have complained about a young person’s attire. My very first week in my current position, my former pastor forwarded me an email from someone who basically said that if a teen can’t come dressed appropriately to Mass, they shouldn’t come until the can. I was livid. We are a Church of sinners! There are surely more serious sins to be concerned about than what a teen (or anyone for that matter) is wearing (like, you know, your own sins).
This teen came to seek God. And what she got after Mass was something that was definitely not from God.
If you feel the need to reprimand a teen for something they’re wearing or doing, but you don’t already have a good personal relationship with them, then maybe that’s God telling you to start a relationship (a healthy, safe-environment approved, relationship, of course). Say hi. Tell them your name. Get to know them as a person, as a child of God. And over time (could be weeks, could be months, who knows), you can start sharing with them about being reverent to God. If you don’t have the time to get to know them, then don’t take the time degrading them.
I also recognize that the teen has a responsibility to come to Mass, even if she doesn’t feel welcomed. But what would you do, if you were a teen, who had to come to Mass alone because her parents don’t go, and some stranger (in Christ) comes up to you after Mass and yells at you? There are adults who stop going to Mass because of a person they interacted with. But our relationship with Jesus shouldn’t be based on our relationship with others. Our relationship with others should be based on our relationship with Jesus.
If it’s about being reverent, how reverent are you being to God if you’re focusing on a teen’s outfit instead of the presence of God in that teen?
Amen to that. Thank you for posting