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When our current pastor shared the news with the parish staff that he was resigning from his position at the parish, I was disappointed. More than that, I was disheartened. Although I don’t know the reasons for his decision, I do believe some of it comes from him not feeling welcomed here.
I know there are parishioners that have not liked having him as the pastor. But is that really anything new? I don’t believe there is ever a pastor who every single parishioner likes.
Yet this time it was different. There seemed to be more frustration. And I get it—I had my own frustrations as well. But not because I didn’t like our pastor, or that he was a bad person, or that he didn’t care about the parish—but because I wasn’t used to his type of leadership. I didn’t like how he did certain things. But does that mean that he was bad for our parish?
I know that his departure brings joy and relief to many parishioners, who were offended, hurt, or angered by some of his actions. But it saddens me to think maybe we pushed him out. Again, I do not know his reasons, but nevertheless, it has made me reconsider how we present our parish to those who come in.
Most parishes like to think that they’re welcoming—but are they really? Is my parish all that welcoming? Did the community make him feel welcome?
I mean, how hard is it, for someone who doesn’t know people, to come and be in charge, while also trying to understand and work with the people? Although I wasn’t a fan of how he did certain things, I respected the reasons why he made those decisions. I saw that he had good intentions.
For most of his time at the parish, I hid behind the excuse that he’s the pastor and he should be reaching out to me. He should be initiating and nurturing a relationship with me.
And although there is some truth to that, in the end, it was still an excuse. Yes, he’s the pastor and yes he’s the leader of our parish. But he’s also human. He’s also one person, among the thousands we have here at our parish.
At schools, bullying (especially cyber-bullying) is a huge issue. Teachers and parents are constantly trying to teach their children that bullying is wrong, and that we need to be more accepting, loving, and understanding of those who are different than us.
Yet if we keep complaining about a person—even if they are our pastor and in charge—talking about them behind their back, not giving them a chance, not being open to the idea that maybe we don’t know everything, that maybe things don’t have to be done exactly how we want it done—aren’t we the bullies?
Although I’d like to think I did a good job of giving Fr. Jeronimo the benefit of the doubt, I know I could’ve done better. I saw him only as a pastor and boss, when I should have seen him as a fellow Catholic as well. Someone on this journey of faith with his own struggles and challenges.
In reflecting on this, I don’t think that he was bad for our parish. I think he was a wake up call for how desperately we need to change how we live, pray, and interact as a community. Might there be things he could’ve done differently? Of course, just like almost any other person in almost any other situation. But so could we.
Jesus Christ calls us to radical change in our lives. To be kind, forgiving, patient, and understanding to each other. That includes priests.
Whenever a new pastor or priest comes in, there will be people who think he was better than the last, and those who think he’s worse.
But the real question that needs to be asked is, “Am I going to better than I was?”
While what you say has an element of truth, it is difficult to welcome someone who does not want to hug you when you offer one or who indicates he wants more from you when he does so little to solicit any kind of response. When someone says “Hello” to me with with a bright smile, I mimick that in response and it fills me with joy. If I say “Hello” and offer a smile but get nothing in return then I know that is someone to avoid. So to say that we weren’t welcoming, would mean that we didn’t even try. I think we tried but were kept at arm’s length and so we felt our efforts were unwelcomed.
You make a great point – I’m not saying it wasn’t a challenge or that people didn’t try. The article isn’t intended to everyone because I know many people tried and were left hurt in some way.
And it’s funny you mention hugs – Fr. Mark does not like hugs, but Beth basically made him let her hug him!
Thoughtful, deep, heartfelt expression of your insights into a painful situation. Thank you, Deepu. I’m proud of you for for your courage in speaking out. Our Lenten journey has been a rough road. Let us pray for one another.
You’re welcome, and thank you!