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Carry your cross.
I’ve heard this so many times.
And yet there’s the beauty in our faith and in our God – that no matter how many times we’ve heard a story from Scripture, God can always reveal something new to us. Sometimes it’s because we’re in a different place in our lives spiritually – or physically. Sometimes it’s because we weren’t ready for the (personal) revelation.
I had this happen recently when I was reflecting on Jesus carrying the cross. Or rather, Simon.
Not Simon Peter, but Simon the Cyrenian. Which, before, didn’t really seem significant to me. Okay, two dudes named Simon, just a coincidence.
But God doesn’t really do coincidence, does He? And names are a pretty big deal throughout Scripture, right?
(Before I get into this any further, let me say that this was something that came to me personally, and I do not have any knowledge that the following is actually why what happened happened.)
Okay, so we have Simon the Cyrenian basically forced to carry the cross. Yes, it represents us carrying our crosses, walking with Jesus…
…but what if there’s another layer to it?
What if it was a message to Simon Peter? We know he wasn’t present at the cross, but maybe he was hiding in the crowd. Or more likely he heard what happened later on from John or another disciple.
But I wonder if Jesus wanted Simon Peter to know that it should’ve been him that carried the cross. That yes, Simon was supposed to be carrying the cross, just not that one. Because Simon Peter did say that he would die with Jesus before denying Him. But he did deny Jesus, so he didn’t get to die with Jesus. And so the point is made by Jesus: You denied me, and so this Simon is taking your place. He is carrying your cross instead of you doing it yourself. Because you hid. Because you ran away. Because you were afraid of being persecuted.
That’s intense. Especially when, as we should often do with Scripture, place ourselves in it. How many times have I said that I will carry my cross? How many times have I said yes, Jesus, I believe in You and want to live for You and die to myself for You? A lot less times than the amount of times I’ve denied Jesus. Not outright denial like Simon Peter, but denial by not talking about God when I felt prompted to. Not defending my faith when it’s been mocked. Not serving others when I know I should. Not making sacrifices because it wasn’t convenient (spoiler alert: if sacrifices were convenient, then they would no longer be a sacrifice).
We are all called to carry our cross, following our Lord. But when we deny Jesus in our hearts, we choose ourselves. And when we choose ourselves, we choose not to carry the cross. How often do you feel prompted to pray, or to donate, or to help someone, but you make excuses not to, or that you’ll get to it later? We keep denying God’s will in those little moments and choose our own. And when we do that, we choose to run away from the cross that God intended for us to carry.
Don’t let your fear allow someone else to do what God created you to do.
P.S. Maybe that’s why St. Peter couldn’t die on a cross in the same way Jesus did, because he didn’t carry the cross Jesus carried.
