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The other day I replaced the lift supports for the hatchback on our Toyota Matrix (don’t be impressed, it’s crazy easy to do). The originals on it completely died out, and even if you lifted it up, it would just slam back down.
We’ve had this car for about nine years, and I don’t remember how well the supports worked when we first got it (it was a used car of about four years old). However, after installing the new ones, I only had to unlatch the back and it would shoot up so fast that it would rebound at the top.
I’m sure the originals didn’t work that well when we bought it, but after seeing the new ones work so well, the originals must have opened on their own fairly smoothly with little to no help.
This started to make me wonder, how did I not notice how the originals changed over time? How did I not notice that they – ever so slowly – got worse and worse? It wasn’t until they were completely useless that I realized what poor shape they were in.
But because they very gradually got worse, it didn’t stand out to me. And that’s how it goes with us as well. If we’re not paying attention, the goodness inside of us can gradually go away.
Years ago, when I realized I needed to make changes because I wasn’t doing much to grow closer to God, what also slowly started to happen was that I became hyper aware of all the things that led me to sin and tried to avoid those things. Although that doesn’t sound like a bad thing, I failed to realize what it was doing to my relationships. It led to me keeping people at a distance and judging people more because I didn’t want to be influenced by them (I struggle a lot with just going with the crowd to avoid rejection, which I’ve written about before).
I allow my imagination to carry me into scenarios that never happen. Growing up, they used to be more daydreamish (like what would happen if I actually talked to that cute girl or if I had lots of money or superpowers). However, somewhere along the way they started to change into potential arguments I would have with people who disagreed with my beliefs, or how I’d handle a situation with a friend who was doing something I believed to be wrong. So without realizing it, my attitude about being around people changed.
I used to be more easygoing and happy (I would say that some of that changed when I got married, but my wife won’t let me say that, so I will say it’s because of our kids). I think what happened was my focus on trying to make better choices had the negative side effect of not being more appreciative of the things around me. I was solely focusing on God, except for His existence in everything around me, especially people. And, like the lift supports, I didn’t realize it until it got really bad. I would just get really anxious when I knew I was going to be spending time with most people.
Unlike the lift supports unfortunately, I can’t replace my thought process with a new one – well, immediately anyway. It is something I have to reintroduce into my life. To stop my negative thoughts when I recognize them and focus on my blessings and the Truth. That, while I’m still focusing on God, I’m recognizing His presence in the people in my life. And, instead of living in fear of rejection, I am trusting in God’s love and saving grace. It is a crazy slow process, and how I wish it would be as easy to do as changing the supports on a car.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Philippians 4:8
Thank you brother…this is truth. I do this with prayer and the all the time where it slowly gets sloppy and I don’t even notice how I begin to run the words together rather than praying the words…
So true! I would focus more on what I or other people were “doing” rather than who they “are”. So caught up in “doing” the right thing thinking that would earn me more points with God. Thank God He doesn’t work like that!!