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It’s hard to avoid. I’ve got my nice clothes on (you know, anything I’ve owned for less than four years). I like the way I look in them, and although they are super comfortable, I’m always a little on edge when food is around because the risk of getting an irremovable stain rises.
And then it happens.
Mustard on my shirt (wait, I don’t even like mustard, how did I get mustar-oh right, I have kids). You’d think by this point I’d be better at knowing what’s best for getting specific stains out. But I don’t. I look around, ask someone who might have more knowledge what I should do. Oh, water? Never thought of that, thanks. I do my best to get the stain out before it sets. Here’s to hoping it comes out in the wash (and that I don’t forget to check it before it gets moved to the dryer).
Damn. The stain is still there. Now what?
Well, if it’s in an inconspicuous place, I’ll keep wearing it. If it’s not, I probably won’t wear it much, if at all. Isn’t that a little sad? I spent a whole $15 on this dress shirt (thank you, Ross!), and now I’m going to stop wearing it because of a stain. Why does the stain matter that much? The shirt still works, doesn’t it? The stain doesn’t stop the shirt from being a shirt. And yet because I know it’s a flaw that others can see, I get self-conscious about it. The stain eats away at my confidence, just like my daughter ate away from her face which is how I got into this predicament in the first place.
Why do we feel a more immediate need to get a stain off our clothes than we do a stain off our souls? Many of us have no problem going months if not years without celebrating the Sacrament of Reconciliation, but for stains we try to do it immediately. We have this notion that sins don’t have any negative affect on us – but they do. Just like stains, sins can “set” on our soul. Fortunately, God does give us a way to bleach the crap out of our souls.
I think a reason we don’t feel the need is because we grew up in a society where many sins aren’t only normal, they’re encouraged. We also get used to walking around with sins on our souls because other people can’t see them. This is why I really don’t like knowing other people’s sins. Being an imperfect person (I know, shocker), I tend to judge people. And most of the time it’s based off of assumptions that I’ve made. But when I actually know someone else’s sins, even if it has absolutely nothing to do with me (and most of the time it doesn’t), it stays in my mind and so it comes up almost every time I see that person. It’s like I can see the stain on their soul, and I don’t like that knowledge. I do my best to not treat the other person differently because of this, but I can still see it. I am trying to be better about it, especially because of the fact that I am in no way any better than anyone else, and because I’ve committed worse sins. But it doesn’t make it any easier.
This is one of the many reasons why I admire our priests. A big part of their job is to hear our confessions and through Christ absolve us. I’ve gone to confession many times – a lot to priests I don’t know, and some to priests I know pretty well. But I’ve never felt judged by them, or treated like anything less than a child of God.
I used to be nervous about confessing my sins, but now that I understand it better, I look forward to being able to have my sins washed away. I look forward to a stainless soul – because the only thing that allows a sin to set on my soul is me.
Just read John 8 this week, the story of Jesus inviting those who were without sin to cast the first stone…Definitely makes me more aware that no sin is justified (especially my own) and that everyone deserves compassion.