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Parents define what love is for their children.
Therefore, you – whether you’re a parent, a child, a teen, an adult, a spouse, whatever – grew up with a definition of love that might have been different from others.
I was sitting with my 9 month old, Ezra, holding him close, and I whispered, “I love you.” This wasn’t the first time, nor will it be the last. And I’ve said this phrase to my other children often, as well as my wife, my parents, my sisters, and my close friends.
But when I was sitting with my son a few days ago, and I said, “I love you,” to him, I thought about how he probably looked at me and thought, “Uh…k…what happens when I grab your lip with my hand?”
He is just starting to learn words (not speaking yet, but he understands some). And as he learns words, he will learn what they mean. And if I, as his father, tell him that I love him constantly, then love will be defined for him by how I treat him. Not just when I’m happy and hug him, cuddle him, and smile and laugh with him – but also when I’m angry and frustrated, when I yell, or let him cry. The ways in which I discipline, reward, what I expect from them – all of it – defines love for him.
What he will define as love depends greatly on how those closest to him show him love.
That’s why I am so grateful for my relationship with God.
God is Love. He is the perfection of pure, true, love. We don’t always see it this way. Just as a child will think their parents are being mean and unfair, even though the parent is acting out of love, we don’t see all of God’s actions as being out of love. That’s why the Old Testament seems to express a very different God – not because God changed, but because how we viewed God has changed.
My relationship with God – how I have grown to understand more of God’s love – has helped me learn how I am called to love better. I am a better father now than I was when we had our firstborn, Joshua. So his definition of love is probably different than what Ezra’s definition will be.
And that’s why it’s so important for us to teach our children about God and His love. To help guide them to grow in their personal relationship with God. Because no matter how hard I try, I know I will fail in some way at some point to show my children the love that they deserve (mostly because I’ve done it already many times in the past). But they will know of God’s love. And when they express love to others, it won’t be a false sense of love, or an imperfect definition, but it will be a love that is more perfect like our Father’s. And when they seek love from others, they won’t settle for love from someone that is just physical, that is fleeting or immoral, or isn’t the total love they deserve. They will seek a love that imitates God’s love, one that will never let them down and fulfills the definition of love that they have come to know.
If you haven’t felt it, or you think you aren’t, please, please, know this: you are loved. Perfectly. Unceasingly. God’s invitation for you isn’t to just follow Him blindly. His invitation is to let Him love you like you deserve to be loved, and to allow that love to transform you into the perfection He created you to be.
